What do you do?

Many times when I share with people that I am a chaplain, they tell me I must have a very hard job. My response is, truthfully, that it isn't that hard. I share with them that I always remember that the person lying in the bed is not my loved one. While I can imagine what it would feel like and what I would be going through if it were my loved one, that doesn't qualify me to know exactly what others are going through and feeling. I can be there to support them emotionally and spiritually, and walk alongside them as much as they will allow me to, but I really don't know what they are going through.

No two situations are the same. If you know someone who is going through a similar situation you've been through, please remember that. Feel free to share with them how you felt during that time and what you went through, but don't assume those are the same feelings and situations that they are going through. When people are in crisis, avoid giving advice, UNLESS they ask specifically for it. And by specifically, I mean that they specifically ask for advice or help in a specific area or for a specific need like what funeral homes are available, or where they can get something to eat close by. When someone says "What should I do?" or "What am I going to do?" that is probably not a question they need a concrete answer for. They just need you to listen and be compassionate.

I have a quote on the wall next to my monitor that says this "Value every moment and be mindful of the impact you have on others. But, remember that life and time are much larger than this one moment, this one act, this one conversation. God's work is much bigger than your work. You are not the only person who will come into their lives to touch them with God's love."

I think we tend to be pretty arrogant when we enter a situation hoping to "make things better." If we are disappointed that some conversation or time with someone didn't go quite right, or if the person didn't seem more hopeful or happy after spending time with us, we tend to despair. In remembering that life is much bigger than us and God's work in and through you and others is much bigger than what we see, we trust that God really is there and is at work. It is not our responsibility to meet every need someone has.